After the Parties

After a short world tour yesterday, visiting family and friends some quiet again today. I actually quite enjoyed myself yesterday, visiting friends and relatives, cycling from one home to the next, and almost from one world to the next. One home very empty and organised, everything neat and tidy, another completely full with stuff everywhere, two out of four with Christmas tree, all very, very warm. I loved cycling from one to the next, the lovely fresh air. And I am
glad I managed to end a day without feeling stuffed…. It was not a day of eating and drinking too much.

Today it is my own living room, no heating but another thick jumper on, and an old sleeping bag covering my legs. When we told my father-in-law that we would be getting a refund from the gas company he did have to laugh… It does help you keep a clear head though.

I am in the middle of re-reading Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”. It is the kind of book you think you know, I remember reading it a few times when I was younger, and I remember watching the tv-series. Not the recent one, but the one starring David Rintoul as Darcy, long, long ago. So I know the story and some details, but reading it again is quite a surprise, it is so much more fun somehow than I remember. I can still read it with my own Darcy and Elizabeth
in mind, though I must confess to seeing both David Rintoul and Colin Firth creeping in there once in a while, though I haven’t even seen the latest adaptation. Knowing the story so well, leaves plenty of room for seeing all those other observations in the book. I guess next it’s back to “Sense and Sensibility”, “Emma” and the others. It’s a good thing I have a long holiday.

Wasting Time

I have been making good use of my time at home, though it is weird to have so much time to myself. I was planning to do some work from home over the holidays, but I haven’t had time to do that. So to speak. Not that the things I am doing are so important, but I do enjoy them. Today I made a video-tape for my best friend. We’ve been friends since we were tiny, and though we haven’t seen much of each other since I moved away we still are. I made a tape of all kinds of programmes featuring the Osmonds, we were both huge fans long ago. And it actually was fun seeing all those old clips again. I listen to a different kind of music now, but it does bring back some great memories.

There is a craze in this country about a singer called Frans Bauer. I can’t really describe him, I don’t have any of his cds, and I don’t really like his music. He is huge though. And he also seems a bit of a caricature. I went to see my old lady friend last night to watch him at Christmas, and it was pretty funny. It is a kind of real-life soap, but somehow it isn’t very real. It is so definitely aimed at creating a certain image. Some bits are quite funny, but that is because they come straight out of all the joke books. What amazes me is that there are people who takes this seriously.

Restless Legs

Today I read an advertisement for people with restless legs. What are restless legs? Is that a big problem? And what can you do about it? Have to work that one out. I love to read the small adverts in the Saturday paper, they often are food for thought.

Dark Days

These really are the dark days before Christmas. By five in the afternoon it is completely dark outside. I am sitting here at my computer, listening to a Dutch band called “Klein Orkest”. Like most music in this house it isn’t exactly new, but it is good. Not the usual themes, but songs for grown-ups. I can’t really remember when I last bought a CD and what it was, though I listen to a lot of music. I do tend to listen to my favourites again and again. There is Luka Bloom, a great Irish singer, who seems to have made a song for every mood. I always go back to his songs, and they are always in my head.

Love Actually

Went to see “Love Actually” today. After the last depressing film I wanted to go and see something cheerful. This one is quite funny in places, but a bit melancholy too. It is a bit too Christmassy, I guess, and not all the story lines are very good, but it was fun to watch anyway. What always amazes me is the number of talented English actors around, and even in this film with all these actors and all these story lines many wonderful actors never even got to appear.
I read some of the reviews, one of two good, but some pretty bad. I guess this isn’t great art, it is easy to criticize the film, and you can probably think of 100 reasons why it isn't great, but who cares. The last critically acclaimed film I went to left me depressed for two days, here I came out smiling. And Hugh Grant probably can do this standing on his head, no great challenges in there for him. Or for many of the others, and there is a lot of improbability in the story, but it has some very funny moments too. Hugh Grant is one dancer who can be very funny and sexy at the same time. So I just enjoyed it for what it is, a bit of fun in the run up to Christmas. Why do films these days always have to be great art, or just a lot of fighting anyway?

Next on my list is “The Return of the King”. Read the review today, and it should be worth seeing. Lots of fighting in there, though, I hear, not what I really like to watch.

Meanwhile, I’ve started reading Harriet Walters’ book on acting. It is a nice book, well-written and interesting. I’ve always enjoyed seeing her at work. But then again, I am also reading the autobiograpy of a Dutch woman writer, Hella Haasse, and I’ve just started “Pride and Prejudice” again.

Art and All That

Today I went up to Haarlem to see a couple of exhibitions. First to Teylers Museum to see an exhibition of paintings by Jacob Maris. He was a nineteenth century Dutch painter who mainly created landscapes. I am not sure why, but they didn’t really appeal to me all that much. They were mainly pretty dark, and I guess I like to have people in paintings rather than just landscapes. I did like the portraits he did, and some of the watercolours.

The second exhibition I went to see was at the Hallen. It was totally different, an exhibition of modern sculptures by Ron Mueck. They are realistic human figures, but they are the wrong size, either too big or too small. There is a huge pregnant woman, and a tiny woman who has just give birth, with her baby lying on her stomach. The statues are lifelike, beautifully made, a bit disconcerting because of the size, but some are very moving. There is a small statue of an old woman lying in her bed. You just see the face, the shape under the blankets, but it is a very moving statuette.

I guess it brings to mind an old lady I visit regularly. I first met her about a year ago, shortly after she’d had some sort of attaque. She is a friend of an aunts’, and I only went to see how she was. There wasn’t much to do for her in hospital over the Christmas holidays, so I went to see her regularly, and continued to do so after she was moved to a nursing home. When I first went to see her she was still in a wheelchair, but now she can walk again. She has her own room in the nursing home, some of her old furniture. This has been a year of change for her, but she has been so wonderful about it. She had to leave behind much of her independence, her own little house, and she has shed a few tears in the process, but she always remained cheerful and hopeful. She sees that she can still go out to the supermarket herself, that she can still go for a walk, and she doesn’t think too much about all the things she can’t do, though she can be impatient about her limitations. She is a wonderful lady, full of stories. She can go on all night about her difficult feet and her special shoes, but she can also tell you about her travels to China, Russia, Indonesia, Romania, South-Africa and other exotic places. And she has a good sense of humour. When she mentions a 90-year old friend, she talks about this ancient person, though she herself is 89. And a girl for her can be anywhere between 6 and 60.

I am still busy clearing out. I’ve done all the most obvious things, so it is getting harder now. This is the stuff I want to find a good home for. So I am sending theatre programmes off to fellow-fans, for example. And I am giving away books to people who want them.

Cloaca

The other day was one of the very few times, and the only one I can think of right now, when I actually came out of a cinema completely depressed. I went to see a Dutch film called “Cloaca”, about four men in their early forties who have been friends for over twenty years. They have turned into strange characters who on the whole are not very nice. It was a depressing story, and none of the four ended up very happy. This is so weird, because it is a good film, but there
are no compromises. I guess four of the best Dutch actors work together on this, and that shows. It does work.

I’ve started a major end of year clearance. I’ve emptied out some boxes, to make a bit more space in my house. A lot more to do over the next few weeks, I think, a good thing to do over the Christmas break. A bit boring too, I guess.

The Great Brel

Yesterday I went to the Brel exhibition in Brussels. An interesting view of his life, though maybe a bit one-sided. It is the kind of exhibition where you take a tour and have to stay with a group so you don’t get to wander around to take things at your own pace. It meant we had to rush past a few items and some screens. There was a lot of film footage, songs and interviews and that were interesting to watch.

He is quite an amazing man, he has his own view of the world, probably different from most people’s. He has all the ideals, and the courage to strive to achieve them. He seems to be the ultimate romantic. It is the kind of view that is tempting, and I guess we should all have a little bit of his daring and originality, but it is also the kind of view that can be hard on the people around you. I remember in one documentary on his life one of his daughters saying that he was never around. That is the tragedy of it. I guess you can never have it all.

But he is wonderful to watch in action. When he performs he really performs. He seems to have been so skinny, but there is all this energy to watch on stage. He doesn’t just sing his songs, he seems to live them, and all of his body is part of the performance. It is quite amazing.

Completia

I did, at last, finish reading a book. This one was “Blessings” by Anna Quindlen. I enjoyed it, but there was something missing. I don’t know if it was the pace of the book, or maybe the characters. I couldn’t become a part of their lives, and that is what I like to happen when I read a book. Or maybe I am unable to concentrate on reading books as well. I also finished a book on the history of Orkney. Those islands have a very varied history, but somehow this book seemed to miss the point. I’ve read it very carefully, and I wanted to learn about the people and the great houses, but it wasn’t in there. It was more about ships than anything else. And the writing was chaotic, as if this writer had no editor to tell him where he went wrong. Strange book. I found some of the information I was looking for, and I did finish the book, but I am glad I can read other things again. I’ll have to look for a book that does tell me what I want to know.

I like to finish books that I’ve started, though I sometimes wonder why. I guess I like a sense of completeness, of finishing what I started, but there always is so little time, so why waste it on reading something you don’t really like? But that leaves me in the middle of books I still want to finish someday. And I know I started some books, put them away because I wasn’t interested, and then I loved them when I came back to them. So sometimes it does pay to have another go.

I have a special shelf in my bookcase for books I want to read in the near future, and those I still have to finish. “The Lord of the Rings” is still on there, as is “The Book of Fish”. And then there is “Captain Corelli’s Mandolin”, “A Place of Greater Safety”, “The Autograph Man”, “A Son of the Circus” , “American Gods” and a few others. I am sure I will finish them some time… For some books you just need to be in the right mood. But I always have this hunger for books you just cannot put down once you’ve started them. Just recently I read “I Capture the Castle” and the “His Dark Materials” trilogy. Both kept me captivated, and made me want to spend more time each day reading.

I suffer from something called completia. Once I’ve discovered an author, I want to read all he or she has written. With some authors this works, but with others it doesn’t. You find out that the author is moving in a different direction from you, or you realise that all the books are basically the same and you have now gotten the message. But I find it hard to move on, and not get the next book.

The Road Less Travelled

What happens if you move away from the road you know so well, and just for a bit choose the road less travelled, the one you don’t usually take? I guess it all depends on what you do exactly, but today I used a different approach in my work and it left me restless and unsettled all day. I tend to be the one listening and being friendly, and today I wasn’t. I’ve been patient for a long time, but I couldn’t achieve what I wanted to achieve, and so today I did it differently. I don’t know if I’ve reached my goal, but I did do what I wanted to do, and I more or less said what I wanted to say, and I am almost satisfied. Doing this in a different way took a lot out of me, but it was good to have a go. I should practice this a bit more, just to make it feel less strange.

Then another thing made today a strange day. A close colleague of mine told me in confidence that he is about to leave the project at short notice, but I can’t tell anyone yet. His departure will have major repercussions on the project, and today I found in most of my meetings just how major. So I know he is about to leave, but so much is planned that involves him. This must be a very strange week for the man himself. He is destined for greater things, as they say.

I’ve also realised that I have a lot of leave to get through before the end of the year. Basically I could take the rest of the year off. I miscalculated my days somewhere along the way. There still is a lot of work to be done though, and I have a lot of meetings, so I will work a fair few days, but I will get to take a few days off too. And there will be a lovely long Christmas break.

Any Way the Wind Blows

On Monday I went to see another film, a Belgian film this time, spoken in Flemish, created by Tom Barman, the man behind dEUS. The film is called “Any Way the Wind Blows.” Almost the complete opposite of “Swimming Pool”, a huge number of characters and story lines coming together at a party. A lot is happening, there are relations between some of the characters, much seems to happen at random, but some details show that there is a story line in there and but it does not have a beginning or an end. Interesting though. You just allow yourself to step into the lives of all these people, and then you step out again after about 24 hours.

This is the time of year when you suddenly seem to have to start planning again. I got a list of courses I can take next year for work. So now I have to decide whether I want to learn something next October. And I already have meetings in my diary now for December 2004. That is weird. It does say something about the way you live, I guess. Some Wednesday afternoon in December 2004 I will be in that particular room with those particular people to discuss a particular subject. It makes for an exciting life.

Rain

Rain today. Just the kind of day that makes you want to stay in, have some hot chocolate, read a book on the couch and all that. Then again, I might still decide to go out for a bit later on. Walking in the rain can be good. I went walking yesterday, in a national park near the coast. The great thing about that area is the great variety of landscapes. You start out in a wooded area, then you move on to the heather, then on to the sand dunes and then there is the beach.

Yesterday was a grey day, quite a strong wind, but not cold, and it was dry. Walking into the woods meant feeling and seeing autumn all around you. Moss and fungi on the trees and on the ground, all the leaves there, just a few left on the trees. Then the winter birds all there again, many finches, goldcrests, different tits, robins, wrens and the fieldfares back again. We walked from one group to the next, different sounds and sights. You start out under cover, among the trees, where it remains fairly dark for a while, but then you move out into the open, and you can see all the different colours and shades. The orange of the sea buckthorne, all the different greens and browns of the shrubs and the trees. At the beach I got to see my favourites, the sanderlings, in amongst the gulls.

It is hard to find real quiet out there, though. For a long time you can still hear the sound of cars, then there are the planes heading for Schiphol Airport, and when you walk to the north you can hear the horns of the ships heading for and from the port of IJmuiden. You need to stand still and concentrate if you want to hear the birds properly. But there are all the different smells to enjoy, the feeling of cold on your skin, and you can taste the odd berry.

And why is it that sandwiches always taste much better outside. It feels so great to sit down somewhere where there is a nice view, eat a few sandwiches and drink a little tea. It must be the fresh air.

Swimming Pool

Last Sunday I went to see a film called “Swimming Pool” and that has been on my mind a lot this week. It is a French film directed by Francois Ozon with Charlotte Rampling playing the lead. Looking back I get this feeling I was watching two films at the same time, and if I went to see it again, I might see something else again. And Charlotte Rampling was wonderful again, and so was Ludivine Sagnier, the young actress playing opposite her. So little seems to happen in his
film, but at the same time so much happens. I guess that is what a good book or a good film does, it stays with you and makes you think.

I am sort of in-between books at the moment, and that always makes me nervous. I love to read and to be involved in a good novel, and I don’t like not being involved in a book for a while. I recently read the His Dark Materials Trilogy, and that was one (or actually three) book(s) to get involved in. I’m sure I’ll find another one soon.

Dylan

Sometimes you work hard all day long, you manage to finish one task after another, and then suddenly the day is over before you even notice. I arrived at work at about 8.30, now it is just after 5, and I didn’t take a lunch break, again. I’ve done most of what I set out to do today, and a few other things that came up, and now my head hurts. This is the time of year when I cycle to and from work most days in the dark, and looking out my window now I can see that everything is grey and dark. I guess I need to unwind for a few minutes before getting on my bike.

Last night I went to see Bob Dylan in concert and I was pleasantly surprised. I am not a great fan, I don’t know very much about his music, but a little, and I enjoyed the concert. He is one of those almost mythical names, and to me he is one of the three great rock acts ever, (with the Beatles a clear number one and the Stones number three). I like the music of the Beatles, I am not such a great Stones fan, and I don’t really know enough about Dylan, but somehow those three have always been there. It is great to hear such a man live, and seeing him was definitely worthwhile. I was a bit ashamed though, because the people next to me could sing along to very song, and I didn’t even recognize half of them. Well, I guess you have to start somewhere. And then again, a girl right in front of me was too busy with her mobile phone to be paying attention at all...