This morning, or last night, I had a weird dream. It was a strange mixture of fiction and memories from long ago. I usually forget my dream almost as soon as I open my eyes, but somehow my dream this morning stayed with me. I think it was my dream this morning, and I think I woke up in the middle of it, courtesy of my friendly alarm. The dream felt like the beginning of a mystery novel, so I wrote down bits of it, before it fades.
The strange thing about it was the mix. Parts of the dream were very real, and took place in my old secondary school. I couldn’t see all of it though, and it felt unfamiliar. There was a girl in my dream, but it wasn’t me. It was hard for me to concentrate on work this morning, because these images kept going through my mind and I wanted to hold on to them somehow.
I read a book a while ago by one of my favourite Dutch authors on the way she writes her novels. She describes the way stories find her, and she just has to work out what story this is. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but sometimes I recognise something of what she says. Like the way the story was there this morning, but it was just the start. Or maybe something in the middle. It was just so intriguing, I want to know what happens next. Last year I started another story, which got lost a little while ago. Starting point for this one was an image I had before my eyes when I was in Kirkwall, Orkney last year.
I had to catch a tram into work this morning because I didn’t get a chance to fix the flat tire on my bike over the weekend. I’m no good at fixing flats anyway, and always depend on the help of my partner. He fixed my tire before I even got home this afternoon, wonderful!
But I digress. I like cycling in the morning, the fresh air, a little exercise, not being dependent on public transport, and gradually moving from the world of work to the world of my home. But sometimes it isn’t so bad travelling by tram because you get a different perspective again. When I cycle I always feel rushed, I want to go faster, and I don’t like getting stuck behind slower traffic. I can even get pretty aggressive. Travelling by tram is more relaxing in that respect. Once I am on the tram there is nothing I can do about the pace, so I just sit back and enjoy the view. And I always see things I don’t get to see when I’m cycling.
Monday, February 09, 2004
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Exam
The day of the exam. I had to go to Leiden to take it, one of those big halls that used to be there for cattle markets and are now used for all sorts of big events, concerts and fairs. I remember taking a linguistics exam there long ago, when I was a student, and I remember even further back seeing the Osmonds in concert there. Different event and atmosphere altogether. Great fun though. But maybe I’ll describe that one some other time.
I guess it was pretty much what I expected. A lot of people, I was number 407, and there were more. Lots of little wooden tables and chairs in neat rows, the same pieces of paper on all of them, small pencil and rubber. Quite a few attendants to help out the people who got a bit lost. Some people slightly nervous, a lot of smoking outside the hall and in the lobby.
We had forty minutes to do the exam, forty multiple choice questions, and had to stay in our seats the whole time. I think I needed about 25 minutes, so plenty of time to have a good look round. It was good to see so many different people there, many young people and a few older ones, I think about as many men as women, and from different ethnic backgrounds. I also recognised the hall from my earlier visits. I remembered that the setup was exactly the same for my linguistics exam, but I wasn’t sure about the concert. I think I know where the stage was, but it was dark outside then, and it looked different. It was well over 20 years ago, too.
Anyway, back to the exam itself. I took some test exams at home all this week, and I did okay. I knew what to expect and I got what I expected. Some of the questions weren’t very clear, and some were ambiguous. I had my doubts about eight of the questions, but I think I guessed most of those correctly. This was one of the strangest exams I’ve ever had to take though, for me at least.
You need the certificate to be able to open a bar or café serving alcoholic beverages, so I was wondering if that is what all those people want to do. Will we have so many more bars and pubs here in a couple of years’ time? I wonder how many people passed as well.
After the exam I went on to The Hague. I was pleasantly surprised to find a new book by one of my favourite authors, the Belgian Kristien Hemmerechts. She writes books that are sometimes hard to read because she writes about loss in a way that really hits home. For a while a couple of years ago they came too close and I couldn’t read them. It must be so gratifying to be able to write like that, to be able to move people that way.
When I got home I checked the answers to the exam on the net and it looks like I passed. I got two out of forty wrong, and you are allowed sixteen (?) mistakes. This isn’t the official result yet though, that should be available in about six weeks. It should be alright.
Now the next question is, what am I going to do with all this new spare time. Have fun, maybe….
I guess it was pretty much what I expected. A lot of people, I was number 407, and there were more. Lots of little wooden tables and chairs in neat rows, the same pieces of paper on all of them, small pencil and rubber. Quite a few attendants to help out the people who got a bit lost. Some people slightly nervous, a lot of smoking outside the hall and in the lobby.
We had forty minutes to do the exam, forty multiple choice questions, and had to stay in our seats the whole time. I think I needed about 25 minutes, so plenty of time to have a good look round. It was good to see so many different people there, many young people and a few older ones, I think about as many men as women, and from different ethnic backgrounds. I also recognised the hall from my earlier visits. I remembered that the setup was exactly the same for my linguistics exam, but I wasn’t sure about the concert. I think I know where the stage was, but it was dark outside then, and it looked different. It was well over 20 years ago, too.
Anyway, back to the exam itself. I took some test exams at home all this week, and I did okay. I knew what to expect and I got what I expected. Some of the questions weren’t very clear, and some were ambiguous. I had my doubts about eight of the questions, but I think I guessed most of those correctly. This was one of the strangest exams I’ve ever had to take though, for me at least.
You need the certificate to be able to open a bar or café serving alcoholic beverages, so I was wondering if that is what all those people want to do. Will we have so many more bars and pubs here in a couple of years’ time? I wonder how many people passed as well.
After the exam I went on to The Hague. I was pleasantly surprised to find a new book by one of my favourite authors, the Belgian Kristien Hemmerechts. She writes books that are sometimes hard to read because she writes about loss in a way that really hits home. For a while a couple of years ago they came too close and I couldn’t read them. It must be so gratifying to be able to write like that, to be able to move people that way.
When I got home I checked the answers to the exam on the net and it looks like I passed. I got two out of forty wrong, and you are allowed sixteen (?) mistakes. This isn’t the official result yet though, that should be available in about six weeks. It should be alright.
Now the next question is, what am I going to do with all this new spare time. Have fun, maybe….
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Colours
Spent the first part of the morning with my crayons colouring in a map. Always great fun. I sometimes need to do that for a meeting, just to make sure everybody knows what we are talking about and that we are talking about the same thing. You do get some funny looks though. The map came in very useful though when I had to chair my meeting in the afternoon, and I was glad to have it there.
Went home early with a huge headache to find Luka’s new cd waiting for me there. I decided to take things easy, so I went to lie down on the couch after putting on the cd. And it was lovely. I didn’t fall asleep, but I did feel very relaxed. Very soothing record. Mainly new songs, I hadn’t heard them before, and they were a bit un-Luka. Nice though. And finally a recording of “I’ll Walk Beside You”, which he does so beautifully live.
Went home early with a huge headache to find Luka’s new cd waiting for me there. I decided to take things easy, so I went to lie down on the couch after putting on the cd. And it was lovely. I didn’t fall asleep, but I did feel very relaxed. Very soothing record. Mainly new songs, I hadn’t heard them before, and they were a bit un-Luka. Nice though. And finally a recording of “I’ll Walk Beside You”, which he does so beautifully live.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Hair
Just back from the hairdressers. I don’t like going to get my hair cut, which is probably why I don’t do it often enough. I made an appointment, but still had to wait for nearly half an hour. At that point I get tempted to have my hair cut really short. And I never know how to explain what I want. Then again, half the time I don’t even know what I want. I usually leave it to itself a bit, and then at some point I will decide I want a complete change and I will have it cut really short again. Then again I usually do that when there is some sort of crisis in my life and I really want to change my life rather than my hairstyle.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Pieces of the Puzzle
Sometimes when you read something it suddenly strikes a chord, and it helps you understand something about yourself you didn’t understand before. People are so complicated, and I know we can never really understand ourselves or each other. You just learn more and more as you go along. And every time I find a little piece of the puzzle it really excites me.
You can find something in a novel, but this time it was a book on psychotherapy by Lilian Rubin. These things always take time to land, but they also keep you thinking. And then you have to work out what you want to do about it. So now I have something to keep me going again. More later..
On Sunday I went walking again after a long time. The dunes, and it was wonderful. A very cold day, but bright and dry. I saw some Woodpeckers, various types of Tits, and some beautiful Smews. The light and the skies were beautiful. It was pretty cold, but not too cold to walk.
You can find something in a novel, but this time it was a book on psychotherapy by Lilian Rubin. These things always take time to land, but they also keep you thinking. And then you have to work out what you want to do about it. So now I have something to keep me going again. More later..
On Sunday I went walking again after a long time. The dunes, and it was wonderful. A very cold day, but bright and dry. I saw some Woodpeckers, various types of Tits, and some beautiful Smews. The light and the skies were beautiful. It was pretty cold, but not too cold to walk.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Veggie
I have something called a “vegetable subscription” at a nearby health food shop. It means you pick up a bag of vegetables every week, you never know in advance what you get, but it is all organic. Sometimes it is pretty straightforward, carrots, onions, cabbage or mushrooms, but sometimes they are strange looking roots I don’t know the name of. I have a very good cook book, so I look the unfamiliar ones up and find out how to prepare them. Our old lady friend knows them all, and she has been known to give tips on the preparation. I picked up another bag today, it contained bean sprouts, endive, white cabbage and two other things I don’t know the English name for. Time to try out more new recipes.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Idols
Tonight I accidentally ended up watching “Idols”, I’d never seen it before. It is an amazing programme. People actually watch this every week…. It is embarrassing.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Chaos
One of those mornings when nothing goes right. I had to catch a bus before going to work for some routine testing at the hospital. Not an Amsterdam hospital, but one in a nearby town. Getting there wasn’t too bad, I was early, so it took the usual 30 minutes. Getting back took twice as long because of the traffic. It always amazes me, so many cars, all travelling in the same direction, standing still half the time. I am so glad I can cycle into work every morning and am not dependent on any kind of public transport. I’ve reached the stage where I don’t mind the rain, and plenty of that this morning, or the occasional flat tire, which means an hour walking home. Twenty minutes on your bike is a good start and end to a working day.
Actually, thinking back, I never really did mind the rain. I remember when I went to secondary school, cycling every day to the other side of town. When I had just started, thirteen years’ old, and it was pouring down. My mother was waiting for me at home, worried about me cycling in the rain, and I had actually enjoyed myself. It helps clear your mind and wake you up.
Then, when I finally got to work, a request to go and pick up some train tickets at central station before one o’clock. That meant going straightaway because of a meeting from 11 to 1. And I was supposed to finish a report this morning. In the end I gave up. Sometimes you just have to stop resisting and give in. I finished my report in the afternoon instead, and postponed a few other things.
Meanwhile, after all that rain, around 11, there was some glorious sunshine, the kind that makes you want to go out and walk for miles and miles. It was a good day for walking, really, in spite of the rain. I can just imagine what the dunes looked like today, and what it would have felt like to walk in the wind and the rain. So was I doing sitting in an office all day?
Well, I had a couple of meetings, very interesting. A change of cast means a change of meeting. You can see it happening. We used to be a steady group of six, meeting every week to discuss current matters and take decisions. We still are six, but a new chairman, and that makes a huge change. It will be interesting to see all this develop over the next few months.
The rain had stopped when I cycled home, so I could go running again. Strong wind, so I ran a slightly shorter route, but it was good anyway. Now that I’ve started I want to stick to it.
After dinner an old episode of Bill Oddie’s second series on birding. This first episode I ever saw of the series was all about Shetland, and I remembered parts of it very clearly. I guess it was one of the reasons why I went birdwatching up in Shetland last year. Watching the programme now I could remember thinking how wonderful it would be to see these sites, and I can remember visiting them. I saw the Phalaropes and Red-throated Divers up at the Lake of Funzie on Fetlar, the huge Gannet and Guillemot colonies on Noss, and managed to get within a few feet of the Puffins, and I got to Mousa to see the tiny Storm Petrels come back to their nests late at night. Oddie captures the magic of Shetland very well. Now I want to go back again.
Actually, thinking back, I never really did mind the rain. I remember when I went to secondary school, cycling every day to the other side of town. When I had just started, thirteen years’ old, and it was pouring down. My mother was waiting for me at home, worried about me cycling in the rain, and I had actually enjoyed myself. It helps clear your mind and wake you up.
Then, when I finally got to work, a request to go and pick up some train tickets at central station before one o’clock. That meant going straightaway because of a meeting from 11 to 1. And I was supposed to finish a report this morning. In the end I gave up. Sometimes you just have to stop resisting and give in. I finished my report in the afternoon instead, and postponed a few other things.
Meanwhile, after all that rain, around 11, there was some glorious sunshine, the kind that makes you want to go out and walk for miles and miles. It was a good day for walking, really, in spite of the rain. I can just imagine what the dunes looked like today, and what it would have felt like to walk in the wind and the rain. So was I doing sitting in an office all day?
Well, I had a couple of meetings, very interesting. A change of cast means a change of meeting. You can see it happening. We used to be a steady group of six, meeting every week to discuss current matters and take decisions. We still are six, but a new chairman, and that makes a huge change. It will be interesting to see all this develop over the next few months.
The rain had stopped when I cycled home, so I could go running again. Strong wind, so I ran a slightly shorter route, but it was good anyway. Now that I’ve started I want to stick to it.
After dinner an old episode of Bill Oddie’s second series on birding. This first episode I ever saw of the series was all about Shetland, and I remembered parts of it very clearly. I guess it was one of the reasons why I went birdwatching up in Shetland last year. Watching the programme now I could remember thinking how wonderful it would be to see these sites, and I can remember visiting them. I saw the Phalaropes and Red-throated Divers up at the Lake of Funzie on Fetlar, the huge Gannet and Guillemot colonies on Noss, and managed to get within a few feet of the Puffins, and I got to Mousa to see the tiny Storm Petrels come back to their nests late at night. Oddie captures the magic of Shetland very well. Now I want to go back again.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Sunday Afternoon
Lazy on a Sunday afternoon. Not really. Just went running again, in between showers. Another rainy day in Amsterdam. Running went well, I managed more than when I went before, a good sign. I went a bit faster too. Sunday is a big day for running in the park, a lot of people out there. I prefer to go just after it gets dark, I guess, but today wasn’t too bad.
Our old lady friend has been ill for about a week now, so we went out and did some shopping for her too yesterday. She is so set in her ways and she has some unusual habits. I had to get her some coffee creamer, but when I arrived at her appartment yesterday she still had a few bottles and some little plastic cups in there. Just like she has about 60 rolls of toilet paper in her bathroom. She is a bit like a hamster. We threw so much out when we helped her move into the home, and now her room is gradually being filled again. She lives alone, she doesn’t have to cook her own meals, but her fridge is completely full, she has more in there than I do in mine. Actually, I don’t know if that is a reflection on her or on me…
I spent part of today looking at old photographs. I started thinking about the Swiss mountains because of the film, and then one thing lead to another. There are still so many beautiful places in this world.
Our old lady friend has been ill for about a week now, so we went out and did some shopping for her too yesterday. She is so set in her ways and she has some unusual habits. I had to get her some coffee creamer, but when I arrived at her appartment yesterday she still had a few bottles and some little plastic cups in there. Just like she has about 60 rolls of toilet paper in her bathroom. She is a bit like a hamster. We threw so much out when we helped her move into the home, and now her room is gradually being filled again. She lives alone, she doesn’t have to cook her own meals, but her fridge is completely full, she has more in there than I do in mine. Actually, I don’t know if that is a reflection on her or on me…
I spent part of today looking at old photographs. I started thinking about the Swiss mountains because of the film, and then one thing lead to another. There are still so many beautiful places in this world.
Friday, January 09, 2004
This, That and...
Went running again today. I surprised myself, I actually wanted to. Hope I can keep this up for a while. Last night I had a lot of energy after running, so it might really do me good.
I had a day off today, and I wanted to go out and buy some new clothes, but I couldn’t find anything I liked. There probably is something wrong with me. The sale is upon us and I can’t find anything at all. I saw some red shoes I liked. I always seem to look for red. I’ve had a pair of red shoes for longer than I can remember. I recently saw a pictures of myself as a child wearing red shoes. I can remember other pairs, and I was told some time ago one of the reasons I got the job I have now were the red shoes. The man who recommended me for the job figured someone wearing red shoes must be the kind of person suited to the company. I am glad he didn’t tell me when I applied for the job. He still looks at my shoes always, and I know he doesn’t approve of the practical ones I usually wear, and he always notices when I wear high heels. It is so funny. But anyway, no red shoes today, so I’ll keep looking. Maybe I should go down to the PC Hooft-straat. There I saw a whole shop window with only red shoes. Then again, the PC,? Not my scene really.
I did love the third Lord of the Rings film. A worthy end to the trilogy. What can I say about it? I think Peter Jackson did a great job, but everyone has said so already. Technically it was great work. All those fighting scenes, the dead, the Orcs, the riders. The city and Sauron. But I guess that isn’t really the thing that makes the films interesting, it really is all about the characters and their journeys. Well, to me anyway. Frodo’s journey for one thing. The story of the Frodo, Sam and Gollum and their relationships. And the human fellowship keeps you involved too. The way Denethor treats Faramir makes you angry and makes you feel for the son. The hopelessness of his battle. Then the relationship between Elrond and Arwen, their great love for each other. And Theoden and Eowen. And the neverending loyalty between Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, and their loyalty to Frodo and his task.
I love to watch Ian McKellen. It is amazing what that man can do by slightly changing his facial expression. The close-ups of him were impressive. I remember watching him at work on stage in London a few times and being equally impressed. I saw him play Richard III at the National Theatre, very threatening. In “Napoli Milionaria” he was extremely funny and he did make me laugh, and when I watched him play the lead in “Bent” he was so moving. Gandalf is so different again, and a different medium and he does it again. The same goes for Bernard Hill, really, a wonderful British actor. Wonderful on stage and again here.
I sat quite high up in the cinema, looking down at all those mountains, and loved the view. It makes me want to go walking in the mountains again myself. I went walking in the Swiss mountains a couple of years’ ago, totally unprepared really, but it was so beautiful. Pretty dangerous too at times, and looking back I can still be amazed at some of the tracks I walked, and some of the paths through the snow high up, but it was beautiful. I should keep up the running, so I can do one of the longer walks when I get a chance. And I had a lovely shower on a very hot day under a freezing cold waterfall, that I will always remember...
Meanwhile, I am back with Luka Bloom. The Amsterdam concert. He just did his Dylan cover “Make You Feel My Love”, which always moves me. And then there is “Monsoon” which cheers me up, “Perfect Groove” which makes me unable to sit still. At his concerts there are songs that move you inside, and for some reason it is always a different song that does that for me, and there are songs that make you want to move like “You Couldn’t Have Come at a Better Time”, when I hear that I can no longer sit still. And then there is “Delirious” where you just sit and watch and are amazed. What is it about this man, the voice, the songs that is so special? But I think I’ve said all of this before. It just never ceases to amaze me.
I had a day off today, and I wanted to go out and buy some new clothes, but I couldn’t find anything I liked. There probably is something wrong with me. The sale is upon us and I can’t find anything at all. I saw some red shoes I liked. I always seem to look for red. I’ve had a pair of red shoes for longer than I can remember. I recently saw a pictures of myself as a child wearing red shoes. I can remember other pairs, and I was told some time ago one of the reasons I got the job I have now were the red shoes. The man who recommended me for the job figured someone wearing red shoes must be the kind of person suited to the company. I am glad he didn’t tell me when I applied for the job. He still looks at my shoes always, and I know he doesn’t approve of the practical ones I usually wear, and he always notices when I wear high heels. It is so funny. But anyway, no red shoes today, so I’ll keep looking. Maybe I should go down to the PC Hooft-straat. There I saw a whole shop window with only red shoes. Then again, the PC,? Not my scene really.
I did love the third Lord of the Rings film. A worthy end to the trilogy. What can I say about it? I think Peter Jackson did a great job, but everyone has said so already. Technically it was great work. All those fighting scenes, the dead, the Orcs, the riders. The city and Sauron. But I guess that isn’t really the thing that makes the films interesting, it really is all about the characters and their journeys. Well, to me anyway. Frodo’s journey for one thing. The story of the Frodo, Sam and Gollum and their relationships. And the human fellowship keeps you involved too. The way Denethor treats Faramir makes you angry and makes you feel for the son. The hopelessness of his battle. Then the relationship between Elrond and Arwen, their great love for each other. And Theoden and Eowen. And the neverending loyalty between Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli, and their loyalty to Frodo and his task.
I love to watch Ian McKellen. It is amazing what that man can do by slightly changing his facial expression. The close-ups of him were impressive. I remember watching him at work on stage in London a few times and being equally impressed. I saw him play Richard III at the National Theatre, very threatening. In “Napoli Milionaria” he was extremely funny and he did make me laugh, and when I watched him play the lead in “Bent” he was so moving. Gandalf is so different again, and a different medium and he does it again. The same goes for Bernard Hill, really, a wonderful British actor. Wonderful on stage and again here.
I sat quite high up in the cinema, looking down at all those mountains, and loved the view. It makes me want to go walking in the mountains again myself. I went walking in the Swiss mountains a couple of years’ ago, totally unprepared really, but it was so beautiful. Pretty dangerous too at times, and looking back I can still be amazed at some of the tracks I walked, and some of the paths through the snow high up, but it was beautiful. I should keep up the running, so I can do one of the longer walks when I get a chance. And I had a lovely shower on a very hot day under a freezing cold waterfall, that I will always remember...
Meanwhile, I am back with Luka Bloom. The Amsterdam concert. He just did his Dylan cover “Make You Feel My Love”, which always moves me. And then there is “Monsoon” which cheers me up, “Perfect Groove” which makes me unable to sit still. At his concerts there are songs that move you inside, and for some reason it is always a different song that does that for me, and there are songs that make you want to move like “You Couldn’t Have Come at a Better Time”, when I hear that I can no longer sit still. And then there is “Delirious” where you just sit and watch and are amazed. What is it about this man, the voice, the songs that is so special? But I think I’ve said all of this before. It just never ceases to amaze me.
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Running
Today I went running again for the first time in ages. I can’t remember when I last went. I live very close to a park, so I don’t have to go far. I could feel it was the first time in ages, and I had to stop a few times. But I’m glad I went. Don’t know if I’ll still feel that way tomorrow…
Friday, January 02, 2004
New Year
After the party. The new year. The year started in style with snow here in Amsterdam. We went for a real winter walk yesterday, cold, white and wet. The other park this time, it looked lovely.
We had some friends over for New Years’ Eve, a couple from the north and a couple from the south. One little boy included. We’ve all known each other for years, but we only meet up once in a while because we live so far apart. We are all such different people, but at the same time when we get together there is always so much to talk about, to catch up on, and enough common interest. It makes for a relaxing time. At midnight we opened our bottle of champagne. Then we went up on the roof to watch the fireworks. The lovely thing about Amsterdam is that there aren’t all that many very tall buildings. So even from our building you can see quite far in alle directions, and we could see fireworks all around. We could definitely hear them down in the street. The neighbours joined us up on the roof and they brought some of their own fireworks. It was pretty cold, but not too bad.
It is always interesting to have people in the house, especially like this, for more than a few hours. I live in a rather simple place, an appartment, four rooms, no great luxury. Two of the rooms have a gasheater, no double-glazing, so the house tends to be relatively cold. I am used to it, and often I don’t have the heating on, I just put on an extra jumper and a thick pair of socks. If you are used to a new house with central heating this can be a problem. One of our guests kept her coat on for a while and only took that off after we had had the heating on for a couple of hours. She then borrowed a thick jumper of one of the other guests and wouldn’t let that go. Meanwhile, to me the room felt incredibly hot.
Then last night a short visit to our old lady friend in the nursing home. She played Bingo in the home on New Years’ Eve and had won some chocolate and a bar of soap. Then she also had a little party with the people on her own floor. Last year she was still in hospital and spent the evening in her bed, listening to her little radio around midnight. Good to see her back like this again. She did spend most of yesterday sleeping to recover. She’ll be 90 this year.Walking there and back was nice, because by now the snow had stopped, but the pavements, trees and bikes were all covered in a beautiful white layer of snow.
This is almost the end of my end of year holiday. It feels like I’ve been home for weeks, and it has been over two weeks. Work seems so far away, and I really need to dig deep again to find the things I’m supposed to do next week. I’m sure I’ll get there. It’s been good staying at home for a bit though, and doing all of those things I never get round to. The house is clean again, I’m still busy sorting out stuff, I’ve finally started on the books. And I’ve been writing and reading a lot.
I decided a little while ago to get rid of a lot of things, to make room in the house, and I started that a few weeks ago. The first loads have already gone, but I guess they were the easy ones, the ones you think of the moment you make the decision. Now that I’ve started on the books it is more difficult. Which ones do you really want to keep? Which ones are you going to read again? I find that some books have been in my bookcase for over twenty years, I’ve never
thought much about them, and then you decide you want to read them again for some reason. Then there are the books I want to read again before I give them away, but there are so many. Do I really want to spend time reading them? These are the books I probably wouldn’t have read again anyway, and I’d rather just read want I really want to read. And most of the books I am getting rid of I can find at the library anyway, so if I do want to read them again at some point, I can.
Maybe my resolution for this year should be not to buy any new books, but to read all the things in my bookcase I haven’t read yet. And to visit the library more. I could finally finish “The Lord of the Rings” maybe…. Meanwhile, I have started reading a Beryl Bainbridge book. She is a wonderful author to come back to once in a while. This one is about the voyage of the Titanic, so I guess I know the end, but that doesn’t really matter.
We had some friends over for New Years’ Eve, a couple from the north and a couple from the south. One little boy included. We’ve all known each other for years, but we only meet up once in a while because we live so far apart. We are all such different people, but at the same time when we get together there is always so much to talk about, to catch up on, and enough common interest. It makes for a relaxing time. At midnight we opened our bottle of champagne. Then we went up on the roof to watch the fireworks. The lovely thing about Amsterdam is that there aren’t all that many very tall buildings. So even from our building you can see quite far in alle directions, and we could see fireworks all around. We could definitely hear them down in the street. The neighbours joined us up on the roof and they brought some of their own fireworks. It was pretty cold, but not too bad.
It is always interesting to have people in the house, especially like this, for more than a few hours. I live in a rather simple place, an appartment, four rooms, no great luxury. Two of the rooms have a gasheater, no double-glazing, so the house tends to be relatively cold. I am used to it, and often I don’t have the heating on, I just put on an extra jumper and a thick pair of socks. If you are used to a new house with central heating this can be a problem. One of our guests kept her coat on for a while and only took that off after we had had the heating on for a couple of hours. She then borrowed a thick jumper of one of the other guests and wouldn’t let that go. Meanwhile, to me the room felt incredibly hot.
Then last night a short visit to our old lady friend in the nursing home. She played Bingo in the home on New Years’ Eve and had won some chocolate and a bar of soap. Then she also had a little party with the people on her own floor. Last year she was still in hospital and spent the evening in her bed, listening to her little radio around midnight. Good to see her back like this again. She did spend most of yesterday sleeping to recover. She’ll be 90 this year.Walking there and back was nice, because by now the snow had stopped, but the pavements, trees and bikes were all covered in a beautiful white layer of snow.
This is almost the end of my end of year holiday. It feels like I’ve been home for weeks, and it has been over two weeks. Work seems so far away, and I really need to dig deep again to find the things I’m supposed to do next week. I’m sure I’ll get there. It’s been good staying at home for a bit though, and doing all of those things I never get round to. The house is clean again, I’m still busy sorting out stuff, I’ve finally started on the books. And I’ve been writing and reading a lot.
I decided a little while ago to get rid of a lot of things, to make room in the house, and I started that a few weeks ago. The first loads have already gone, but I guess they were the easy ones, the ones you think of the moment you make the decision. Now that I’ve started on the books it is more difficult. Which ones do you really want to keep? Which ones are you going to read again? I find that some books have been in my bookcase for over twenty years, I’ve never
thought much about them, and then you decide you want to read them again for some reason. Then there are the books I want to read again before I give them away, but there are so many. Do I really want to spend time reading them? These are the books I probably wouldn’t have read again anyway, and I’d rather just read want I really want to read. And most of the books I am getting rid of I can find at the library anyway, so if I do want to read them again at some point, I can.
Maybe my resolution for this year should be not to buy any new books, but to read all the things in my bookcase I haven’t read yet. And to visit the library more. I could finally finish “The Lord of the Rings” maybe…. Meanwhile, I have started reading a Beryl Bainbridge book. She is a wonderful author to come back to once in a while. This one is about the voyage of the Titanic, so I guess I know the end, but that doesn’t really matter.
Friday, December 26, 2003
After the Parties
After a short world tour yesterday, visiting family and friends some quiet again today. I actually quite enjoyed myself yesterday, visiting friends and relatives, cycling from one home to the next, and almost from one world to the next. One home very empty and organised, everything neat and tidy, another completely full with stuff everywhere, two out of four with Christmas tree, all very, very warm. I loved cycling from one to the next, the lovely fresh air. And I am
glad I managed to end a day without feeling stuffed…. It was not a day of eating and drinking too much.
Today it is my own living room, no heating but another thick jumper on, and an old sleeping bag covering my legs. When we told my father-in-law that we would be getting a refund from the gas company he did have to laugh… It does help you keep a clear head though.
I am in the middle of re-reading Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”. It is the kind of book you think you know, I remember reading it a few times when I was younger, and I remember watching the tv-series. Not the recent one, but the one starring David Rintoul as Darcy, long, long ago. So I know the story and some details, but reading it again is quite a surprise, it is so much more fun somehow than I remember. I can still read it with my own Darcy and Elizabeth
in mind, though I must confess to seeing both David Rintoul and Colin Firth creeping in there once in a while, though I haven’t even seen the latest adaptation. Knowing the story so well, leaves plenty of room for seeing all those other observations in the book. I guess next it’s back to “Sense and Sensibility”, “Emma” and the others. It’s a good thing I have a long holiday.
glad I managed to end a day without feeling stuffed…. It was not a day of eating and drinking too much.
Today it is my own living room, no heating but another thick jumper on, and an old sleeping bag covering my legs. When we told my father-in-law that we would be getting a refund from the gas company he did have to laugh… It does help you keep a clear head though.
I am in the middle of re-reading Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”. It is the kind of book you think you know, I remember reading it a few times when I was younger, and I remember watching the tv-series. Not the recent one, but the one starring David Rintoul as Darcy, long, long ago. So I know the story and some details, but reading it again is quite a surprise, it is so much more fun somehow than I remember. I can still read it with my own Darcy and Elizabeth
in mind, though I must confess to seeing both David Rintoul and Colin Firth creeping in there once in a while, though I haven’t even seen the latest adaptation. Knowing the story so well, leaves plenty of room for seeing all those other observations in the book. I guess next it’s back to “Sense and Sensibility”, “Emma” and the others. It’s a good thing I have a long holiday.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Wasting Time
I have been making good use of my time at home, though it is weird to have so much time to myself. I was planning to do some work from home over the holidays, but I haven’t had time to do that. So to speak. Not that the things I am doing are so important, but I do enjoy them. Today I made a video-tape for my best friend. We’ve been friends since we were tiny, and though we haven’t seen much of each other since I moved away we still are. I made a tape of all kinds of programmes featuring the Osmonds, we were both huge fans long ago. And it actually was fun seeing all those old clips again. I listen to a different kind of music now, but it does bring back some great memories.
There is a craze in this country about a singer called Frans Bauer. I can’t really describe him, I don’t have any of his cds, and I don’t really like his music. He is huge though. And he also seems a bit of a caricature. I went to see my old lady friend last night to watch him at Christmas, and it was pretty funny. It is a kind of real-life soap, but somehow it isn’t very real. It is so definitely aimed at creating a certain image. Some bits are quite funny, but that is because they come straight out of all the joke books. What amazes me is that there are people who takes this seriously.
There is a craze in this country about a singer called Frans Bauer. I can’t really describe him, I don’t have any of his cds, and I don’t really like his music. He is huge though. And he also seems a bit of a caricature. I went to see my old lady friend last night to watch him at Christmas, and it was pretty funny. It is a kind of real-life soap, but somehow it isn’t very real. It is so definitely aimed at creating a certain image. Some bits are quite funny, but that is because they come straight out of all the joke books. What amazes me is that there are people who takes this seriously.
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Restless Legs
Today I read an advertisement for people with restless legs. What are restless legs? Is that a big problem? And what can you do about it? Have to work that one out. I love to read the small adverts in the Saturday paper, they often are food for thought.
Saturday, December 20, 2003
Dark Days
These really are the dark days before Christmas. By five in the afternoon it is completely dark outside. I am sitting here at my computer, listening to a Dutch band called “Klein Orkest”. Like most music in this house it isn’t exactly new, but it is good. Not the usual themes, but songs for grown-ups. I can’t really remember when I last bought a CD and what it was, though I listen to a lot of music. I do tend to listen to my favourites again and again. There is Luka Bloom, a great Irish singer, who seems to have made a song for every mood. I always go back to his songs, and they are always in my head.
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
Love Actually
Went to see “Love Actually” today. After the last depressing film I wanted to go and see something cheerful. This one is quite funny in places, but a bit melancholy too. It is a bit too Christmassy, I guess, and not all the story lines are very good, but it was fun to watch anyway. What always amazes me is the number of talented English actors around, and even in this film with all these actors and all these story lines many wonderful actors never even got to appear.
I read some of the reviews, one of two good, but some pretty bad. I guess this isn’t great art, it is easy to criticize the film, and you can probably think of 100 reasons why it isn't great, but who cares. The last critically acclaimed film I went to left me depressed for two days, here I came out smiling. And Hugh Grant probably can do this standing on his head, no great challenges in there for him. Or for many of the others, and there is a lot of improbability in the story, but it has some very funny moments too. Hugh Grant is one dancer who can be very funny and sexy at the same time. So I just enjoyed it for what it is, a bit of fun in the run up to Christmas. Why do films these days always have to be great art, or just a lot of fighting anyway?
Next on my list is “The Return of the King”. Read the review today, and it should be worth seeing. Lots of fighting in there, though, I hear, not what I really like to watch.
Meanwhile, I’ve started reading Harriet Walters’ book on acting. It is a nice book, well-written and interesting. I’ve always enjoyed seeing her at work. But then again, I am also reading the autobiograpy of a Dutch woman writer, Hella Haasse, and I’ve just started “Pride and Prejudice” again.
I read some of the reviews, one of two good, but some pretty bad. I guess this isn’t great art, it is easy to criticize the film, and you can probably think of 100 reasons why it isn't great, but who cares. The last critically acclaimed film I went to left me depressed for two days, here I came out smiling. And Hugh Grant probably can do this standing on his head, no great challenges in there for him. Or for many of the others, and there is a lot of improbability in the story, but it has some very funny moments too. Hugh Grant is one dancer who can be very funny and sexy at the same time. So I just enjoyed it for what it is, a bit of fun in the run up to Christmas. Why do films these days always have to be great art, or just a lot of fighting anyway?
Next on my list is “The Return of the King”. Read the review today, and it should be worth seeing. Lots of fighting in there, though, I hear, not what I really like to watch.
Meanwhile, I’ve started reading Harriet Walters’ book on acting. It is a nice book, well-written and interesting. I’ve always enjoyed seeing her at work. But then again, I am also reading the autobiograpy of a Dutch woman writer, Hella Haasse, and I’ve just started “Pride and Prejudice” again.
Sunday, December 14, 2003
Art and All That
Today I went up to Haarlem to see a couple of exhibitions. First to Teylers Museum to see an exhibition of paintings by Jacob Maris. He was a nineteenth century Dutch painter who mainly created landscapes. I am not sure why, but they didn’t really appeal to me all that much. They were mainly pretty dark, and I guess I like to have people in paintings rather than just landscapes. I did like the portraits he did, and some of the watercolours.
The second exhibition I went to see was at the Hallen. It was totally different, an exhibition of modern sculptures by Ron Mueck. They are realistic human figures, but they are the wrong size, either too big or too small. There is a huge pregnant woman, and a tiny woman who has just give birth, with her baby lying on her stomach. The statues are lifelike, beautifully made, a bit disconcerting because of the size, but some are very moving. There is a small statue of an old woman lying in her bed. You just see the face, the shape under the blankets, but it is a very moving statuette.
I guess it brings to mind an old lady I visit regularly. I first met her about a year ago, shortly after she’d had some sort of attaque. She is a friend of an aunts’, and I only went to see how she was. There wasn’t much to do for her in hospital over the Christmas holidays, so I went to see her regularly, and continued to do so after she was moved to a nursing home. When I first went to see her she was still in a wheelchair, but now she can walk again. She has her own room in the nursing home, some of her old furniture. This has been a year of change for her, but she has been so wonderful about it. She had to leave behind much of her independence, her own little house, and she has shed a few tears in the process, but she always remained cheerful and hopeful. She sees that she can still go out to the supermarket herself, that she can still go for a walk, and she doesn’t think too much about all the things she can’t do, though she can be impatient about her limitations. She is a wonderful lady, full of stories. She can go on all night about her difficult feet and her special shoes, but she can also tell you about her travels to China, Russia, Indonesia, Romania, South-Africa and other exotic places. And she has a good sense of humour. When she mentions a 90-year old friend, she talks about this ancient person, though she herself is 89. And a girl for her can be anywhere between 6 and 60.
I am still busy clearing out. I’ve done all the most obvious things, so it is getting harder now. This is the stuff I want to find a good home for. So I am sending theatre programmes off to fellow-fans, for example. And I am giving away books to people who want them.
The second exhibition I went to see was at the Hallen. It was totally different, an exhibition of modern sculptures by Ron Mueck. They are realistic human figures, but they are the wrong size, either too big or too small. There is a huge pregnant woman, and a tiny woman who has just give birth, with her baby lying on her stomach. The statues are lifelike, beautifully made, a bit disconcerting because of the size, but some are very moving. There is a small statue of an old woman lying in her bed. You just see the face, the shape under the blankets, but it is a very moving statuette.
I guess it brings to mind an old lady I visit regularly. I first met her about a year ago, shortly after she’d had some sort of attaque. She is a friend of an aunts’, and I only went to see how she was. There wasn’t much to do for her in hospital over the Christmas holidays, so I went to see her regularly, and continued to do so after she was moved to a nursing home. When I first went to see her she was still in a wheelchair, but now she can walk again. She has her own room in the nursing home, some of her old furniture. This has been a year of change for her, but she has been so wonderful about it. She had to leave behind much of her independence, her own little house, and she has shed a few tears in the process, but she always remained cheerful and hopeful. She sees that she can still go out to the supermarket herself, that she can still go for a walk, and she doesn’t think too much about all the things she can’t do, though she can be impatient about her limitations. She is a wonderful lady, full of stories. She can go on all night about her difficult feet and her special shoes, but she can also tell you about her travels to China, Russia, Indonesia, Romania, South-Africa and other exotic places. And she has a good sense of humour. When she mentions a 90-year old friend, she talks about this ancient person, though she herself is 89. And a girl for her can be anywhere between 6 and 60.
I am still busy clearing out. I’ve done all the most obvious things, so it is getting harder now. This is the stuff I want to find a good home for. So I am sending theatre programmes off to fellow-fans, for example. And I am giving away books to people who want them.
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Cloaca
The other day was one of the very few times, and the only one I can think of right now, when I actually came out of a cinema completely depressed. I went to see a Dutch film called “Cloaca”, about four men in their early forties who have been friends for over twenty years. They have turned into strange characters who on the whole are not very nice. It was a depressing story, and none of the four ended up very happy. This is so weird, because it is a good film, but there
are no compromises. I guess four of the best Dutch actors work together on this, and that shows. It does work.
I’ve started a major end of year clearance. I’ve emptied out some boxes, to make a bit more space in my house. A lot more to do over the next few weeks, I think, a good thing to do over the Christmas break. A bit boring too, I guess.
are no compromises. I guess four of the best Dutch actors work together on this, and that shows. It does work.
I’ve started a major end of year clearance. I’ve emptied out some boxes, to make a bit more space in my house. A lot more to do over the next few weeks, I think, a good thing to do over the Christmas break. A bit boring too, I guess.
Monday, December 01, 2003
The Great Brel
Yesterday I went to the Brel exhibition in Brussels. An interesting view of his life, though maybe a bit one-sided. It is the kind of exhibition where you take a tour and have to stay with a group so you don’t get to wander around to take things at your own pace. It meant we had to rush past a few items and some screens. There was a lot of film footage, songs and interviews and that were interesting to watch.
He is quite an amazing man, he has his own view of the world, probably different from most people’s. He has all the ideals, and the courage to strive to achieve them. He seems to be the ultimate romantic. It is the kind of view that is tempting, and I guess we should all have a little bit of his daring and originality, but it is also the kind of view that can be hard on the people around you. I remember in one documentary on his life one of his daughters saying that he was never around. That is the tragedy of it. I guess you can never have it all.
But he is wonderful to watch in action. When he performs he really performs. He seems to have been so skinny, but there is all this energy to watch on stage. He doesn’t just sing his songs, he seems to live them, and all of his body is part of the performance. It is quite amazing.
He is quite an amazing man, he has his own view of the world, probably different from most people’s. He has all the ideals, and the courage to strive to achieve them. He seems to be the ultimate romantic. It is the kind of view that is tempting, and I guess we should all have a little bit of his daring and originality, but it is also the kind of view that can be hard on the people around you. I remember in one documentary on his life one of his daughters saying that he was never around. That is the tragedy of it. I guess you can never have it all.
But he is wonderful to watch in action. When he performs he really performs. He seems to have been so skinny, but there is all this energy to watch on stage. He doesn’t just sing his songs, he seems to live them, and all of his body is part of the performance. It is quite amazing.
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