Deaf

I'm deaf in one ear, and have been for as long as I can remember. I don't know if I was born deaf or whether I became deaf from the many ear infections I had as a child. The specialist doesn't agree with himself on that issue. He operated on my ear when I was ten, but couldn't solve the problem at the time. He said then that it was caused by scar tissue from the infections. He also told me to come back once I had grown up, he might be able to help me then. When I did, however, he denied ever having operated on me, he could find no scar, and he told me I'd been deaf since birth after a very short inspection. I was stunned and went for a second opinion. The other doctor couldn't determine the cause of my deafness, but did confirm that there wasn't really anything he could do.

For me being deaf has never been much of a problem. In fact, it was only discovered when I was about ten. I knew I had one ear that didn't work, I just never knew this was not the same for everyone. I thought everyone had one good and one bad ear. When I was at school my hearing was tested sometimes, but initially always by someone whispering in one corner of the room, and me being in another corner with one ear covered by my hand. Apparently not a very good testing method. When the testing method was changed and I was given headphones and had to listen to beeps coming from a little box, suddenly it turned out I was deaf in one ear. No surprise to me, I was just surprised other people had two ears to use.

I now know that my deafness can't be cured, and that is okay. I know that are disadvantages to this, but I've lived with those all my life. I need to be extra careful in traffic because very often I can hear traffic approaching, but I don't know from which direction. I can hear birds singing when I'm out walking, but again, I don't know if they are ahead of me or behind me. I don't know what stereo sounds like, and if I'm on the phone I can't hear what goes on anywhere else. At parties or in big groups I'm a little lost because there is too much noise for me to deal with. There are advantages too. If there is too much noise at night, and other people can't sleep, all I have to do is turn over on my good ear and I can't hear anything.

A couple of years ago I discovered that my deafness influenced my life and my development in more ways than I had realised. I had some problems with my shoulders and arms and had to have some physical therapy. The therapist discovered that I was a little crooked. Somehow we came to talk about my being deaf, and she then concluded that was a reason for my being crooked, I always turn my ear to the person talking to me! This is so simple, and nobody thought of it before. Now I know about this I can see myself doing it. If I walk on the "wrong" side of someone, that makes me very nervous, so I can be seen dancing around people to get to the right side so I can hear. And sometimes, if I cannot be on the right side of someone it happens I don't hear what is being said, so I don't reply, and that can be very rude. I try to tell people about being deaf, but I often forget, because it is so natural to me.

Being deaf can also give you a sense of being on the outside, of being shut out. I often have to make an extra effort to hear and it doesn't always work. If I have a meeting for work I like to make sure I get there on time so I can choose a place to sit where I can hear all people present. I don't even think about it anymore, it just comes naturally.